"Hurt"

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails wrote this song and sang it first. Johnny Cash sang it and made it one of my favorites. Cash recorded the music video just weeks before his death. The words took on a new and powerful concept being sung by an old man at the end of his life full of regrets.

Written on the Body

Woman's response:
Jeanette Winterson seams to know just how to weave words so as to create a beautiful and eloquent song. The story is full of passion and desire, it reads like an epic poem. Is the narrator a male or female? As I read the story, there were times that I was sure that the narrator was a female, then, in the very same paragraph, I knew the narrator was male. Reading this book was like hearing the real and secretly hidden thoughts of a lost in love soul.

Man's response:
Jeanette Winterson seems to write down every thought that comes into her head. She doesn't stop. There are not really any chapters. The story just seems to keep going. It is a love story, but seems twisted and complicated. The charecters seem to come and go. You get to know some and not others. Does the book really end?

Woman and Desire

This snap-shot of my husband, John and I represents my ideas and feelings regarding desire. He is my best friend and the love of my life.
My greatest desire is that each day would be, like the one in the picture, spent with him.

Skim, A Graphic Novel

I went to Ohio Universitie's Alden Library to check out the graphic novel, Skim. Much to my surprise, I found it in the children's section! Call me old-fashioned, but I would not let a child read this novel. The book contains very adult subject matter and language. I think that Alden needs to realize that just because there are pictures in a book, does not necessarily meen that it is a child's book.

This book was much easier for me to read than La Perdida. The images contained enough negative space to not overcrowd each page. The depth of line was simple yet informative. The story flowed nicely was easy to follow.

Unfortunately Skim had many of the same charectoristics as the female charecters from the other novels I have read this quarter. She had a low self esteem and questionable friends. She had a desire that she could not pinpoint and the fact tortured her. I must say, though, that I felt sorry for Skim while I had no feelings for Carla's situation in La Perdida.

Why do so many women have such a low self esteem?

La Perdida

Well......where to begin......
The graphic novel, La Perdida by Jessica Abel left me wanting. I wanted Carla to develop some self esteem. She would just run along after everyone around her like a little lost kitten. I wanted her to have some direction in her life. It seemed as though she did not know what she wanted, who she wanted, or where she really wanted to be.
Carla was lost. Was it companionship that she desired? Did she long for a place to call home. I think that she wanted Mexico to be her identity, but it wasn't. She grew up in the states and did not even speak Spanish. She thought that by crossing the border, she would all of the sudden be Mexican. It just does not happen that way. Cultures clash. The only way to truly know and understand a culture is to be raised in that culture. She was 50% Mexican but 100% Americanized. What caused her strong desire to exemplify her Mexican roots?
Carla's trip to Mexico started out on a bad note. She told Harry, her ex-boyfriend that just happened to live in Mexico, that she was coming for a two week visit. She never actually planned on leaving. I guess she figured that if she slept with him, he would not notice that she had overstayed her welcome. Once Harry started to tire of her, she found yet another bed to hop into. She started to date Oscar, a Mexican that only spoke Spanish. I suppose she thought that this would get her closer to her Mexican roots. What she saw in Oscar; I don't know. He was grumpy, possessive, rude, controlling, and part of a not-so-great crowd. She just wanted to be part of something at that point and she didn't seem to care what.
Carla made one bad choice after another and her life seemed to fly out of control. In the end, she was a prisoner. She was a prisoner of the choices she had made as well as an actual prisoner in her own house. I had a hard time feeling sorry for her, she had brought everything on herself.
Why do females put up with verbally and physically abusive men? Does it have to do with the desire to be wanted, the desire for love?

A Recipe

You start out with two heaping cups of young love, one overflowing pint of uncontrollable passion, and a leveled tablespoon of family tradition. Beat together these first three ingredients, violently using a seasoned wooden spoon, until irreversibly well blended. To this add a sharp pinch of hatred and a dash of insanity. Mix well and stand back.

The novel, Like Water for Chocolate, by Laura Esquivel is pleasantly point-blank. I was very much impressed with the epic tale revealed and the blunt manner used. The story took place over many years and involved many characters. Laura Esquivel has this amazing talent of depicting an event that most authors may take chapters to depict in one small paragraph. She puts it right on the table for you: this is who was involved, this is what happened, the end. I wish life could be so simple.

LOVE!?!??

I recently finished reading the novel by Toni Morrison, Love. What a complex story. I had heard rumor of how confusing the story was, and I was sure that I would not fall into that same pit of confusion.....but I did anyway. There was a great deal of reading a person's thoughts and not knowing who that person was or even when and who the thoughts were about. The story took place over many years and found great joy in hopping from year to year and then back again. The characters were as complex as the story. I spent most of the time just trying to understand each one and why they did what they did, said what they said, and were who they were.
The funniest aspect of my relationship with Love is that I was left wanting when I finished. I never really connected with or had much sympathy for any of the characters. In the beginning, I actually liked the grand puppeteer Mr. Cosey, but by the end, I would not have minded being the one to quietly and without remorse slip him a nice dose of foxglove. Adios Mr. Cosey, and don't let the door hit you on the way out. Having finished the novel, I feel that if I were to reread it, knowing the characters, it would all make a little more sense.
Once I finished reading, I was left with two thoughts:
1. I am eternally greatful that love in my life is so different than love in Love.
2. I wonder if I can get any money for this book at the bookstore?